The story of day 3 is coming soon but since we are now 12 days into this new chapter of our lives, I need to write about where I am right now.
It’s been rough to say the least. This particular post will not be about seeing the gift or the phoenix rising from the ashes or the love that surrounds this or how lucky I am to be alive.... I know all of those things. I have seen gifts, experienced the love, have had extreme moments of beauty. We are blessed by our community and have experienced and outpouring support.
Right now, what I need to write about is the fear and despair that grips me. Later, I will talk about the light. I will write it as raw as I feel.
I am in an altered state. Life no longer looks the same. It has similar elements, yet the foundation has changed. We drive past the turn to our road home on the way to where we are staying, and each time I long to make the turn and imagine for a moment that our home is still standing. Really, I don’t miss much of my crap. I had some beautiful things – treasures from years of collecting; original art; valuable antiques; gifts from my long-deceased grandparents; wedding presents; scrapbooks from childhood; keepsakes and memories.
Day 2.Sleep was difficult.I curled up with my puppy (and when I say “puppy”, I mean 90 pound dog…).Tossing and turning all night, then drifting to sleep but waking every time my dog twitched, I finally gave up the thought of sleep sometime before 5am.Fortunately, fresh coffee was already brewing, as Jessica’s husband Steve is an early riser.Turning the computer on, I began searching for updates.Finally at 6:48am, I found this post:

From the briefing this am:

Fire size between 3050 and 3500 acres

15-25 homes lost

1 fatality (Unknown if this was fire related or not)

Forecast for day is for 30-40 MPH gusts

expecting 450 FF on the line by the end of the day

2 tankers one guide plan and 1 helo on order

A type 1 incident team en-route

0% containment

I began spreading the word.Texts, calls and emails start pouring in.“How are you?”“Do you know anything?”“We love you.”“Our prayers are with you.”… I am attempting to keep up with the kindness and love being expressed.I am not sure what to do; it feels like more wandering from room to room.David and I keep checking in.It seems best that he stay put in Seattle for now as he has a full day of work.I keep thinking about the enormous, billowing, black cloud – yet picture it moving in a different direction, turning away from our oasis.I pray for my neighbors.I pray for my home.
We shape our dwellings, and afterwards our dwellings shape us - Winston Churchill
On the morning of Monday March 26th, I enjoyed the early morning quiet as I began what was to be a very busy day. I was squeezing in 12 separate conference calls so I could take the rest of the week off for my trip to California, first to speak at Inside Edge and then to join my colleagues at Rejuvenate Training to begin my spring marketing launch for my business.
How it looked at 2pm
As usual, I sat drinking my coffee on my favorite leopard chaise by the window, one 90-pound dog curled up at my side, the other at my feet. I gazed at the view, which even after 9 years, I never took for, granted. Ahhhhh. Life in our dream house, our little paradise of a retreat on the side of a mountain. How lucky we were.