As long as I fricken need to…I received a voicemail a few days ago which in addition to the multitude of other saved messages I have from you people I treasure deeply. This one I transcribed; these words I needed to hear and to remember. Thank you Anne Gillespie for saying:
“Stay in the manure as long as you fricken need to. Anyone who thinks that grief looks pretty and can be tied up in a little box and is linear hasn’t been through it. Grief is messy and unpredictable and non-linear. It’s really good one day and like hell the next day. There is nothing you need to do.”
As long as I fricken need to... What I want to tell you today is that I just want to go home. I really really do. I just want to go to my home. That home. The one that is lost forever and now is being scraped away. That’s what I want. I want this experiment to be over and things to go back to “normal”. I want my bed, my sheets, my creaky staircase, and my infestation of stinkbugs in the bedroom. I want my leopard chairs, my silver spoons that are the perfect size for a serving of agave in my coffee. I want my beautiful stove, my claw foot tub. I want my windows. I want my meditation loft and my purple office. I want to sit in there and contemplate the world and my life and think about how lucky I am to live in such a place. That’s what I want.
09 May, 2012 / 3 Comments