I love the comments I received from yesterday’s blog.  They came from near and far and brightened my heart this morning.  I awoke – and fell asleep last night – in a dark place.  I am more tired than I have ever been in my life.  “Tired” has been my M.O. for much of my life.  It is my shield against the world, my response to “how are you doing?” and a catch-all for many conflicting emotions.  This is a whole new level of tired.  My muscles ache as I walk up hills, my face feels heavy and full, I am short of breath.  Charming, huh?
Yesterday, we made final trash piles on our land to prepare for the bulldozers next week so we can take the next step of moving our trailer to the site to live “at home”.  I love this plan – and I hope it works.  Those dang dogs decided to range while we were cleaning up.  Thinking they had merely passed from sight over a nearby ridge, I began calling them, gently at first.  Given we now have no trees, I was able to spot them way too far in the distance.  Now screaming their names into their selectively deaf ears, I had to hike across acres of blackness to get near them.  Of course, by the time I got to where I had initially seen them, they had moved even further.  I finally was able to waken them from their fantasy of escape and hauled them back to the car.  They were coated in ash, wearing black soot socks and zebra stripes across their bodies.  Just how will we deal with the mess in our trailer, I ponder. 
I love my husband.  He was up before the sun, making coffee and writing his blog (www.northforkashes.com) – and these are not the only reasons I love him.  I love him because he is a very good man.  He is someone I am proud to go through this life with.  Besides our melee on Sunday, we really haven’t fought during this stressful time.  We have pulled together and are walking through this side by side. 
We have more space for each other than usual.  In the regular course of events, we get along well but often have little spats that sound like, “you stepped on my toe”, “no, you stepped on mine!” “Well, you did it first…” Or some equally ridiculous argument that most couples engage in.  We haven’t been doing that recently. 
I look into his tired eyes and see my own.  I read his thoughtful words and allow them to alter me.  I watch him cry as he thinks about how lucky I was to get out alive and the tragedy of the loss of our neighbors.  He pats my head when I am too tired to think and the world seems very very dark.  We crack up at each others jokes no matter how bad they are.  And we experience pure joy as we watch our dogs ongoing antics – the ultimate proof of goodness in life. 
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. 
Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead
What will this day hold?  More letters to the Governor?  Sifting through emotional ashes?  Meetings with attorneys?  Writing insurance inventory?  Maybe a walk with the dogs?  Then falling into bed at the end of the day exhausted yet waking up before the sun far from rested?  I wonder.
Except for a few precious things, my life is unrecognizable from before.  Fortunately, I do have the same friends – and even more than before, I must say.  My friends carry me when I want to stop.  Two of my dearest have shared their letters they wrote to the Governor they both voted for yet now are dismayed to watch him shrug his shoulders and shirk his responsibility.  I am beyond touched by their words.   
Yesterday, around 30 neighbors and families attended a hearing at the Capitol on proposed House Bill 32 152, which would raise caps for compensation for fire victims.  Representative Cheri Gerou (a mountain area resident) co-sponsored the bill with Representative Bob Gardner.
I haven’t been to the Capital since college.  The building is beautiful and Gerou and Gardner chose to have the hearing held in the old Supreme Court chambers, an elegant vaulted room with towering stain glass images of original Colorado settlers.  The room was perfect as we discussed our fine state and what it stood for: the Wild West tamed for habitation infused with the spirit of independence formed by a community of like-minded people.
The words “by the people for the people” emerge from the fog of my formative years.  I googled this to recall the source: Lincoln’s famous quote from the Gettysburg address. “…this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”